A Professor’s Memoir That May Shock You!
Creating this memoir about my career in higher education was both a wrenching and uplifting experience. As I scoured the thousands and thousands of documents that I had saved over decades, I realized that I had forgotten many of the battles I fought in the schools where I worked. Also lost in my memory were many of the wonderful people who supported me in the journey. Thanks to all of you!
I am also so thankful that my very grounded childhood provided the strength and practical mentality to keep me healthy through all of those years.
I was going to upload several excerpts from the book but Kindle has stolen my thunder and made available at least two chapters on Amazon. They have chosen the introduction and prelude which lay the foundation for the book. You can find those words at this link. (Click on the word “link.”) I think I will eventually share one additional piece from the 280 page book on this blog site.
I must apologize for Kindle’s formatting on the digital version. Those problems are not (and not mine) found in the hard copy which you can also purchase. You do not have to own a Kindle to be able to read this book. You can download a digital version to a laptop or whatever.
The first excerpt I will share with you is a fun piece I wrote long ago. I imagined what would happen if all the women were forced to leave campus. It has a similar message found in the movie “A Day Without A Mexican.” The tall dark and handsome men become the losers. He He!
“The Women are Gone!”
The plan, conceived in the secret hallowed meeting rooms of the top dog administrators, was declared a monumental success. Only males were to be allowed on campus. Signs were erected all over campus.
POWER TO MALES! FREEDOM AT LAST ! NO MORE FEMINISM! DOWN WITH EGALITARIANISM! FOR THE BOYS ONLY! MEN ONLY!
Fireworks were set off from the administration building and the rest of the campus danced their brains out. The feeding frenzy on campus was amazing. All of the female restrooms sported new “Men Only” signs. The men could do what they wanted whenever they wanted to do it! No competition! No criticism of techno-oppression or rampant greedy capitalism. No hen-pecking about equality and fairness.
It took a couple of weeks before the campus community realized how successful their militaristic campaign against women had been. They began the reign of terror by targeting strong female leaders on campus. Misogynistic plans and strategies began with tenured female professors. They were prohibited from chairing committees and given large teaching loads.
Next there were abusive confrontations with female staff and administrators who also jumped ship. Some of the women were humiliated by being assigned to inexperienced younger females half their age.
Any academic program containing diversity, such as gender studies, devoted to analyzing the dominance of males and creating a foundation for female support was axed or sidelined. They forced some of the younger women to leave by firing their husbands. The spouses, buddies, and female gatekeepers of the top dogs were the last to go.
These women who had been handpicked for top dog jobs were assigned the dirty deed of verbally abusing and keeping other women in line. This kept the paws of the top dogs clean and often kept them from lawsuits for sexual harassment or discrimination. But finally even these loyal servants were pushed out of their jobs and off campus.
Questions kept popping up. Who was going to order the supplies, pay the bills, cook the food, clean the buildings, or stand in front of the check-out booth at the library? None of the males wanted to clean the tables in the union or plant the flowers outside of the top dog buildings. All of the males in the English department had to teach four composition courses that were usually assigned to lesser females. They males were actually grading grammar and sentence structure in papers!
The top top dog, a very short rotund man, had to step in and create order. He began by designating males to certain types of work. His decisions were based upon color of hair and height. The shortest males were assigned to the assistant top dog positions. The more burley types were assigned to making coffee, fixing the copy machines, and sorting the mail. The taller and broad shouldered males were assigned to secretarial and support-type positions. It never occurred to the top top dog that he was discriminating against the tall, dark, and handsome males.
These good-looking, body-building males didn’t like being marginalized and targeted because of their hair or stature. They complained that they were pressured into sexual relationships. Their jobs were threatened if they did not comply with the advances. They were experiencing a loss of self-esteem. They were more intelligent and had greater skills than the top top dog but they were assigned to “dehumanizing” work just to keep them under control. They began to weep at odd moments for no reason.
And they began to understand–that all of the positions that were assigned to the majority of females and termed menial–were the “glue” that kept the university functioning. Yet as important as the jobs were, the males did not want them.
So the campus became more and more dysfunctional. All the female students left. Classes were not meeting and the staff rarely showed up for work or stayed an entire day. Bottles of distilled spirits were found in waste bins all over campus. Male students began applying for entrance into other schools. Enrollment was so low that it looked like many of the dogs might lose their jobs.
Some of the disgruntled handsome males began secretly meeting in the old women’s restrooms. They hatched a plan that they thought would make everybody happy and restore order to campus. They wrote a “Declaration of Crimes against Tall, Dark, and Handsome Males.” Together, more than 200 professors and staff appealed to the top top dog to BRING BACK THE FEMALES. It would make their lives so much better. Women could take the brunt of bullying and marginalization and serve as scapegoats for the rest of the administration.
They could do all of the jobs that the top dogs did not want to do. It would free up the males from the drudgery so that they would resume playing golf, music, and planning. Since the women had been forced out most of the males had been lethargic. They never realized that brainstorming and making plans on how to control the females had kept the place together.
To date, the handsome males are still waiting for an audience with the top top dog. In the meantime, they are meeting with attorneys with plans to sue the top top dog for sexual harassment and discrimination.
As always, this piece is copyrighted by Marla J. Selvidge